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You know that, right? Like — you make most people cringe so hard their skull falls into their rib cage. Sad pathetic pity. The kind you have for someone who just got dumped — 4 days before a monumental birthday. So anyway today news broke that your divorce to Katie Homes was settled. That was fast! There are 8 facts. You turned 50 last week so Happy Birthday I guess. A recognition that has eluded you throughout your 30 year career, despite your box office success in the action genre.
Any parts calling for a creepy, arrogant jerk are yours. Become an agent or something. Change your name to Jerry and remember the good old days when you used to get nominated. Everyone is calling you Mission Impossible. Because get it? I notice you got paid 70 million back in to play the role of Ethan Hunt. Is this an omen for your career?
What happened? Even Vanilla Skye; possibly the worst film ever made for Hollywood paid you 20 million. Has it occurred to you and your people that you are no longer bankable, a fact that has nothing to do with your age and everything to do with your freaky psychotic ramblings? Given this, I find it irresponsible to blame your religious beliefs for your weirdness. Obsessions are ok I guess… John Travolta is obsessed with planes.
Will Smith is obsessed with making his children more famous than him. The point is Tom… your obsessions are made up words. Weird mate. In the last week, the media have pointed out something freakier than your front teeth before you had major dental reconstruction.
Well known celebrity examiner Perez Hilton delved into some numerology which Scientology is apparently in to. Something about the flight of the phoenix and being free. And BOY do they succeed. Cher — Oscar winner. Nicole Kidman — Oscar winner. Penelope Cruz — Oscar winner. What you should know is that even if you get married again, I doubt this kooky phenomenon will happen again because of Fact 1. Your stocks have plummeted and the only person young and silly enough to recreate the phenomenon is Lindsay Lohan.